AVA

Climbing trees and paper planes
Life as a kid we're all the same
Tears of joy, and sullen hearts
Sticks and stones and broken arms
And like one would, like a child
I'm asking
Like I could knock on your door
Will you let me in

And Dear god, I found out the same things we learn when we die
I found that the truth is, it's all a big lie
I find that the words are hard to describe
I tell you I'm lost here, awaiting reply.
I found out what's wrong, and its not you or I
Or anyone else that you chose to deny
It seems like the madness of choice in the life
Has made it all clear if we run or we hide

Sidney Kalani.

Over the past week I've had a lot of time to myself.
A lot of time to remember... me. There were things I had forgotten about that I loved.
Things have been a little tough but, surprisingly very eye opening and reminding.
Its so nice to be able to get back to your own roots. Your very very own.
Not your families and yours. Not your parents' and yours.
Just You.
I've been reminded that I love:
MUSIC.
Oh my goodness! Before I moved to Boise I imagined myself getting more involved with the whole music scene [once I got there]... you might find it odd considering I don't play an instrument or sing or even write music... but there is something about it that can dig deep inside and make you feel.. alive. 
Wait, I need to clarify. Not just music- the stuff that hardly anyone knows about. The songs and bands that are not played on the radio. Those smaller guys... They're the ones with the art that really gets to me.
Anyway, recently two of my favorite bands released new albums.
The Maine's Black and White
Rookie of the Year's The Most Beautiful
I love every single song on each one. Ah! So amazing. Go buy them both and listen because it'll make your day and week and month and year! 


READING.
I didnt really forget that I like to read... but damn, I finally have a little time for it. haha
Give me a really good book and I'll finish it front to back.
Right now I'm reading Charlie St. Cloud.
I am fascinated with this story! I cannot wait for the movie to come out- especially since Zac Efron is in it... ;]


THE LITTLE THINGS IN LIFE.
The other night I went running for an hour. 
It was 8:30 in the p.m. -right as the sun was about to set.
It was the most beautiful hour in a long time.
I had it all to myself.
The way the sunlight hit the wheat fields and colored the clouds... breath taking.
Guess what I thought about?
My Nikon :]] It's been so long since I've used him and while running I saw a thousand wonderful picture opportunities. From now on I will run with my camera! :] 
I've been told I have a good eye for pictures... That I notice the little things. Personally, I think that's what creates a great artist whether it be a photographer, painter, musician or whatever you can think of. 
Truthfully, it's the little things in life that keep it going.
If you start looking at the big picture and so far into the future it can really do some damage on your mindset. 
Maybe, that's just my personal opinion and experience but I still think it can apply to everyone. 


Other things would include animals [especially mine], crafty/artsy things,  God, my family, how badly I want to travel....
Lots of things.
I'd keep listing them but I'm outside Barnes and Noble and this dude just lit up a cigg and it freaking stinks and makes my head hurt. Ugh. 


Here's a question...



-Sid.

wet paint.

A wise man once said, "I'm the kind of person who can't just read the sign that says 'Wet Paint' - I have to touch it. And doing so it will comfort me and I will be certain thats it's wet... And if it is wet, well thats all it is. Paint on your finger. It comes off and life moves on..."


This wise man is my friend from Seattle. I met him while seeing This Providence and I'm very glad we became friends. He is helping me a lot in my life right now and I thank God for that... I thank him for that. Thank You :) 


The truth is, life isn't as great as I'd like it to be. 
I've been played, cheated and lied to. 
I miss how things were. At least how I thought they were.
I hate how so many things remind me of him. 
I've managed to create memories with him all over Boise and Idaho Falls... and I cant escape that.
I wake up alone in my bed and think of those weeks we spent every night together and how I'd wake up to his beautiful eyes, flawless smile then gentle kiss. I think of how I wanted to spend every morning like that... because it appeared to be absolutely perfect.
Knowing I cant just sit in my bed all day because thats no good for me, I get up. I start my day and everythings ok. 
When it comes time for me to go to bed it when it hurts. 
I lie down and because I dont have to work or do chores or anything to keep my mind busy- I think of him. And I cry.


So anyway... 
thats that.
I'm looking for the positive in everything and putting my best foot forward.
There's no point in sitting around sad for weeks and months. 


"Live in the sunshine,
Swim in the sea,
Drink the wild air."-Ralph Waldo Emerson

You Ruined This.

this song describes it perfectly...


you're not, you're not.
i don't think you're coming clean.
i won't, i won't, i won't let you lie to me.
never felt so alone.
it's funny how things go.
guess we'll never know.

i took you back tonight,
hoping that you weren't the same.
this won't ever be alright,
can't believe a word that you say
i give you tonight.

don't tell me you ruined this, 'cause you're scared.
now i know that you're foolish,
for every minute you wasted,
i will tear all apart what is left of this
'cause baby, you ruined this.

so stop and think, will you ever be happy?
no, you won't. there is just no fool in me.
never felt so alone, it's funny how things go.
guess we'll never know.

i took you back tonight,
hoping you weren't the same.
this won't ever be alright.
can't believe a word you say.
i give you tonight.

don't tell me that you ruined this, 'cause you're scared.
now i know that you're foolish
for every minute that you wasted.
i will tear apart what is left of this.
'cause baby you ruined this.

and i took you back tonight,
but this won't ever be right.
i took you back tonight

don't tell me that you ruined this, 'cause you're scared.
not i know that you're foolish.
for every minute you wasted.
i will tear this apart what is left of this.
'cause baby you ruined this.

'cause baby i ruined it from the sin of your kiss.
i'm so foolish for all the years we wasted.
you can stare in the dark,
and there's nothing there.
'cause baby you ruined this